A day in the life of team goofball
by soul eater republican95
Summary: Joey Valentine is suffering from a case of the L-word, his weapon partner Michael cleaver takes him out for a night to get his mind off of her. the events that follow make up something similar to their daily lives. WARNING: the events won't be understood unless "a new star on the block: call of the crow" is read.


**AN: wasup guys! I'm keeping to my promise, here is that one shot. Just a little background, Joey does L-word her, but he respects her relationship so leaves it at that. Well, here you go. My one shot about two of my favourite OC's.**

* * *

"Hey! Ya can't start slackin now, Cleaver. We haven't even gotten halfway through practice. Come on! Like those gym junkies like to say; 'sore muscles, happy pain.' Or whatever." A clearly worked up Joey Valentine called. His exhausted weapon partner soon joined him, breathing heavily "One moment... legs... on fire." He managed to get out. Joey merely laughed in reply. "Not funny, you know me and stairs don't get along" Michael said, regaining his breath. "I know." Joey said matter-of-factly "well you did better than you thought, we're actually done. I was just messin with ya earlier."

Michael didn't find the joke very funny. "You know, I would kill you, but your food tastes too good." he said, picturing several delectable dishes in his mind. "Hey! Earth to Cleaver?" Joey called out to the drooling, daydreaming, hungry giant. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I was thinking about last night's pasta" the giant replied after coming back from La-La-Land. "Oh right, ya know we still have leftov- OOMF!" Joey started, but ended up knocked over by a one man stampede, driven by hunger. Joey stood up and dusted himself off as he watched his weapon charge homewards in a fashion similar to that of the running of the bull.

"Gees, where was all that energy during practice?" Joey thought aloud. "Mommy!" a little girl called in fear as the animalistic weapon nearly trampled her, chanting "food... fooood... foooooood!" All the way. Joey calmly walked after his weapon, apologising where he could. As Joey arrived at their apartment, he walked in on a smiling Cleaver with an empty pot next to him. "Aaaah that hits the spot." Michael said, seeming less beastly now and seeming more like a bear about to hibernate for the winter.

Joey laughed at his partner. "Did ya even taste it or did ya just inhale it like last time?" He asked almost mockingly. "Screw you! Besides, it's your fault for 1: making too much, 2: making such delicious food and 3: not having some girl over like you usually do." Michael replied in an accusatory tone. The reply seemed to hit home since Joey didn't reply. "Speaking of, who is she? You're acting differently" Michael ventured. "Doesn't matter, she's off limits anyway." Joey said, falling into the couch and almost looking like he had started deflating.

The silence was thick, very thick and it stayed that way for what felt like forever to Michael. "**Dammit! I suck at giving advice" **Michael thought to himself. He stood there, awkwardly while thinking for a few more seconds before an idea struck. He sat down next to Joey and punched his shoulder as hard as he could. After Joey was sent flying off of the couch, Michael only noticed that his hand was in hammer form. "OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?" An angry Joey shouted from the other side of the flat.

"Have you ever heard of one of those consoling punches to the shoulder?"

"Yeah?"

"It was supposed to be one of those..."

"THOSE PUNCHES ARE USUALLY SOFT, AND FISTS ARE USED, NOT HAMMERS!" Joey exploded. "Sorry..." Michael replied, standing behind a chair just in case. "Yeah, whatever." Joey huffed, rubbing his shoulder. Joey continued to rub his shoulder to get the numb feeling to fade while Michael had another idea brewing in his mind. "Hey Joey, we're going out tonight. No objections."

Several minutes later, the two of them were out on the streets, Joey in a black jacket, plain white shirt and jeans while Michael wore a T-shirt with a chibi stormtrooper and the words "PEW PEW" on it and plain shorts. They walked for a few moments before Joey got curious.

"So where are we even goin?"

"Have you ever heard of Chupa Cabra's?"

"Yeah?"

"Well not there."

Joey facefaulted. "Then why bring it up?" Michael shrugged. "I felt like it." They walked on in silence for a little longer before Joey realised that his question was still not answered. "So are ya gonna answer my question or not?" he asked. "Oh right. I didn't really answer your question, did I?" Michael asked. "No, no you didn't..." Joey answered. "Oh, my bad. I wonder if things like this ever happens to the others? You know, where they kinda just dwell away from the subject..." Michael said, now testing Joey's patience by deliberately not answering his questions. Joey failed the test "JUST TELL ME WHERE THE HELL WE'RE GOING BEFORE I GO HOME!" he shouted. "Okay, okay. Calm down. We're going to some club that I've heard about around town called 'the scene'. Apparently it's the best thing since sliced bread. " Michael explained while laughing.

Joey recognised the name immediately "Oh yeah... that place. Two problems; one being the fact that you happen to be a socially awkward weirdo in large crowds of strange people and two being the fact that the place has a guest list that's not exactly easy to get on." Joey explained. "Those are both good points you make." Michael admitted after thinking about it for a short time. "And what do ya plan on doin' about these problems?" Joey asked. "You worry too much, Valentine. Just leave this to me." Michael said.

As they neared the popular club, Joey noticed Michael casually walking past the queue towards the bouncer at the door. "CLEAVER!" the bouncer yelled leaving his post at the door as he charged at Michael. "WAYNE!" Michael yelled in response as he started his own charge at the bouncer. Joey merely watched as the two equally sized titans charged at each other and jumped into the air to perform a chest bump to his surprise. The whole scene reminded him of a bear and a gorilla interacting in some strange social manner. Minutes later they were inside the club. "You knew the bouncer? And I thought ya haven't been here before.'" Joey asked surprised. "Well... yeah, we used to be gym buddies before I joined the academy. Also, I never said I haven't been here before. I was just explaining what the word on the street is." Michael explained. "Oh... now all you have to do is not be socially aw-" Joey started before a high pitched squeal interrupted him. "CLEAVER!" A wine-red haired girl with brown eyes and flawless skin yelled as she tackled a surprised sledgehammer. "Hey Claire, energetic as ever I see." Michael chuckled as he got up and hugged the girl. "Yipyip! So who's your friend?" She asked while looking over at Joey with a warm and sweet smile.

"Oh right, this is Joey Valentine. I dragged him along since he seemed like he needed some fun." Michael explained. "OOOOOOH! Well you brought him to the right place, everyone gets along and has fun in here." Claire explained to Michael as she hugged a surprised Joey hello. "I know. Listen, I'll be with you in a minute, kay?" Michael said. "kay~" she replied/sang as she walked over to a group of friends. Michael turned to Joey "And?" He asked anxiously. "Hmmm... well the place DOES seem fun. Ah what the heck, I'll stay. But first, how'd ya meet a girl like Claire?" he asked. "Well Wayne and I took shifts at the door one night and she wasn't on the guest list so Wayne sent her away. The look on her face reminded me of myself when my mom told me 'no more candy', so I asked Wayne if we could make an exception this once and he said sure, as long as she stays with me at all times. We got to talking and it turns out we get along great. Ever since then, we hang out when I come here." Michael explained. "Alright, I'm satisfied... for now" Joey said.

"Sweet. Hey, Claire and the others are waiting." Michael said in reply to his meister. "Nah, you go. I think Claire has a thing for you. Plus I'm thirsty, so I'm gonna get a drink." Joey turned and left his weapon to think over what he said. "**Maybe that's why she seems so clingy to me, giggles like an idiot whenever she talks to me and always wants me to go visit her at her house... nah.**" Michael thought to himself before he shrugged and joined a clearly ecstatic Claire and her friends.

Joey sat at the counter ready to order. He was about to ask for a drink when the barman gave him a neon green drink. "It's from a secret admirer." The barman said. "Tell the person I said thanks." Joey said, accepting the drink. "**Man, my weapon has a whole different life that I didn't even know about.**" Joey thought to himself. "**Well at least now I know he's having fun as well while I'm having girls over... great, now I'm thinking about HER again.**" Joey downed the glass and felt the drink burn his throat as he did so. "Gees, what's in this stuff?" Joey asked while coughing. "It's a trade secret." The barman explained while laughing. "Well whatever is in here has me dizzy off the bat." Joey told the still laughing barman. "Don't worry, just go dance it out of your system." The barman advised. "Sure..." Joey slurred and got up, making his way towards the dance floor after grabbing a handful of peanuts to munch on.

He quickly realised that dancing was out of the question and took a seat. "World... spinning... WAAAAAAY too much." He mumbled mostly to himself. He started swaying back and forth and fell over backwards, but instead of landing on the floor, he was caught by a pair of petit arms with small hands clutching onto his jacket. "Don't worry, my love, I'll take good care of you." The owner of the arms basically purred to a Joey, who was in a world of his own and mumbling something about the burrito gods still owing him a new cat.

On the other side of the club, Claire's friends had all left and Michael was the only one left. "I'm just gonna go get another drink." Claire said excusing herself quickly. As she walked towards the bar, a strong hand grabbed her by the arm. "Hey there. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are and I thought we should get to know each other a little better." The brute who grabbed her suggested. "No thanks, I'm kinda here with someone." She declined sweetly. "Him?" the guy asked motioning to a preoccupied Michael. "That's the one, now would you please let go of my arm?" she asked, irritation starting to show in her voice.

"No. Look here, babe. He's obviously not interested. Now come with me and I'll show you how a real man would treat you." The brute said, dragging her through the staffroom and into the alley behind the club while she protested and shouted all the way. "Now, let's see what's under that pretty skirt of yours." The man said while reaching towards her skirt. "No, please, don't do this."She begged but her requests fell on deaf ears. The brute laughed and licked at his lips as he undid her skirt with the one hand and covered her mouth with the other. Her skirt dropped to the ground and the brute became visibly excited. "Let's just get this out of the way, then I'll show you what a real man is." He said, reaching for her panties. Claire closed her eyes while trying to hold back the tears. She held her breath, begging in her head that she was dreaming, pleading for help.

"I'm pretty sure this isn't how a REAL man would treat a lady, or did I mishear?" a familiar voice said. Claire opened her eyes to see Michael holding tightly onto the wrist of the hand that was reaching for her panties. "Why you little shit!" the brute yelled as he swinged the arm he was using to cover her mouth at Michael. He made full contact, but the sledgehammer didn't seem to react. The brute yelled in pain, but couldn't move away since Michael was still holding onto his wrist. "Claire, put on your skirt and wait out front for me. This might get ugly." He ordered and she ran to the front after making herself decent without question. "That girl back there, she's a friend of mine, a friend whom I care very deeply for. You, being the worthless piece of fucking shit you are, tried to force yourself on my friend. You insisted that you were merely showing her what a 'real man' is like without knowing what a 'real man' is like, yourself. Now then, allow me to teach you what a 'real man' is." Michael said, his voice dripping with pure hatred.

* * *

Darkstar was up as usual due to his insomnia, busy training outside of his and Natasha's apartment on the other side of town when he felt a small tremble. "**Mini-quake?**" he wondered to himself

* * *

Claire was in the front of the club, shaking from shock. "You okay?" a concerned Michael asked, coming out of the alley where he just gave the brute a beating. She ran at him and hugged him, while sobbing into his chest. "I-I-I was so scared! I thought he was gonna..." she trailed off "I know. It's okay now, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you." He comforted her. Her sobbing seemed to lessen when she looked at him. "Promise?" she asked. "Promise, now let's get you home." He said. "Would you give me a piggy back ride? I'm still a little shaky from what happened." She asked in a voice impossible to refuse to. "Sure, hop on." He said, obliging. Claire jumped up onto his back and held onto him as if her life depended on it.

Her home wasn't far away and they reached it in no time flat. "Well here we are." He said letting her off. "Goodnight" he called as he turned around to make his way home. "Wait!" she called from behind. As Michael turned around, she kissed him. They both turned the shade of a tomato, seeming to illuminate the dark area around them. "Goodnight." She said and quickly ran into her house. Michael stood there for a few minutes before he registered what just happened. He turned around and started making his way homewards. "**I guess Joey was right, I wonder if I should tell him about this?**" he thought to himself. He walked on for a few minutes before the realisation dawned on him. "SHIT! JOEY!" He yelled.

* * *

"Uh wha-?" Joey mumbled, confused, chained to a table and wearing a full latex suit. "Ah, you're awake. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, my love." A small girl roughly the same age as Joey stepped out from the shadows while holding a whip. "Uh... the thing is I'm not really into this kinda stuff." Joey explained, but his words fell on deaf ears as she continued advancing towards him with whip at the ready. Joey saw his life flash before his eyes as she leaned down to kiss him. Just before their lips met, the wall to the room was broken down. "Tanya, we've been over this, haven't we?" Michael asked through the hole next to the door he could have used. "Kidnapping is wrong and I won't get a boy to like me through torture." She sighed.

"Good, how do you get boys to actually like you?"

"With my personality and pretty face."

"Lastly, what do you say to Joey?"

"I'm sorry for kidnapping you."

"All right! Good girl. Goodnight, Tanya."

Joey was hesitantly released and they made their way home. "How did you know where I was?" Joey asked. "I asked Wayne where you were and he told me that Tanya left with you earlier." Cleaver answered. "She does this often? Then why don't ya just ban her?" Joey asked. "Unfortunately, yes. Why don't we ban her? Because she's actually a sweet girl, her methods of getting guys to like her are just a little... extreme. Also, she's the owner's daughter." Michael explained. The two reached their apartment, only to be greeted by the familiar laughing of the sun. "Great..." the two of them said in unison. "Well, we should get ready for that practice match against those other kids today. C'mon, Cleaver, look alive!" Joey said, trying to seem enthusiastic but failing. The two of them slowly got ready and slumped off to the academy like a convict would to the electric chair.

* * *

They stood waiting at the academy for the rest of the group for a few minutes before they saw them approaching in the distance. Natasha was first to greet. "Hey guys! So what were you guys up to yesterday?" the two just looked at each other and shared a secret smile. "Ya know," Joey started. "Same old same old."

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**AN: so what did you guys think? Hope you liked it, drop a review and let me know. The Republican out!**


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